Farewell Cristian Romero, you actually always were ‘that type of player’ | Max Rushden

Cristian Romero has won plenty of silverware, but picked up a lot more red and yellow cards. Illustration: Matthew Green

Farewell Cristian Romero, you actually always were ‘that type of player’

You can’t help but feel the Argentinian with a penchant for red cards will arrive at his spiritual home when he completes his move to Diego Simeone’s Atlético Madrid

‘He’s not that kind of player” is perhaps the greatest of the co-commentators’ meaningless banalities. Used shortly after a “nice guy” has scythed someone in half about a day after the ball has gone, it is by definition nonsense because if you have scythed someone in half about a day after the ball has gone, then you are indeed that kind of player.

But I don’t recall ever hearing anyone saying “the thing is Clive/Brian, heis that kind of player”. I haven’t analysed every foul in Premier League history to tell if you those kinds of challenges are carried out by players all of us would consider to be “that kind of player” as opposed to the opposite – but the list of players with the most red cards suggests a pattern – Richard Dunne, Duncan Ferguson, Patrick Vieira with eight reds, Lee Cattermole and Roy Keane on seven, Vinnie Jones, Joey Barton and Alan Smith (obviously not that one) among those on six.

This article is about Cristian Romero – who I would have in tier A of “that kind of player” if I had any idea how to do one of those Instagram reels where you rank things (posh hotels you can’t afford, non weight-bearing exercises for middle-aged people, biscuits of the 80s etc). There is not a debate about the category in which he belongs.

A player with a permanent look of mild confusion about the situation he finds himself in – am I really playing for Spurs? Consistently inconsistent. And always just a moment away from just giving the whole game a Falling-Down-full-Michael-Douglas-ing.

Six red cards in his Spurs career. It feels like so many more. The one that sticks in my mind is in the last 16 of the Champions League exit to Milan in 2023. Hopefully you don’t remember the game, it was awful. 1-0 going into the second leg, it’s goalless in the 77th minute at the Tottenham Hotspur Stadium. Spurs aren’t doing much. Romero’s already on a booking for lunging into Rafael Leão. And then for no apparent reason he flies into Théo Hernandez on the touchline.

It’s peak Romero. That sense that he was just a bit annoyed he wasn’t playing for someone better and so he needed a release. And in this case Hernandez was that release.

His four Premier League red cards feature all your favourites. Two yellows against Manchester City featuring a wild late tackle on Erling Haaland deep in the City half – really letting him know he was there.

There are a couple of straight red get-the-ball-really-get-the-man challenges that he probably would have got away with in 1986. One against Chelsea when Spurs were top of the league and 1-0 up early in the Ange Postecoglou tenure earned a “oh nooooo Romero, you … you … you …” from Gary Neville. The other on Casemiro last season came shortly after he criticised the club on social media prompting calls for Thomas Frank to strip him of the captaincy. It was his second red of the season after getting two yellows for dissent and kicking Ibrahima Konaté on the floor against Liverpool last December. “What’s he doing?” Neville again.

Cristian Romero is sent off at Old Trafford last season with his international defensive teammate Lisandro Martínez celebrating in the background for good measure. Photograph: James Gill/Danehouse/Getty Images

It’s often said the great defenders don’t go to ground – but it feels like that is exactly where Romero spent his entire Spurs career.

And yet. And yet – he spent most of the Europa League final win against Manchester United on the floor – hurling himself at shots, and United players, in a man-of-the-match performance. People rightly remember the Micky van de Ven goalline clearance, but Romero was unbeatable in that game. He can’t not be good. Gasperini, Scaloni, Conte, Postecoglou, Frank, Simeone all like him. He has played in two World Cup Finals (if you accept any Argentinians actually played in the last one).

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All fans like a player who flies into challenges – we like to think we’re subtle, but we evolved from primates – one of your own putting in a reducer, an oof into the turf perhaps it takes us back somewhere deep into our past. And he scored vital goals too.

Atlético Madrid feels so perfect. The people I talk to who watch Spanish football (ie Sid Lowe once he’s actually replied to a WhatsApp) tell me Atléti aren’t the Atléti we want them to be anymore. It’s not all Godín Giménez and Juanfran. Perhaps Simeone is taking them back there. But we should all be thankful that he has arrived in his spiritual home.

As soon as the Atléti rumours began it felt perfect – it is rare for a player to feel like they fit at a club before they’ve even worn the colours. But in the same way James Maddison always looked like he should be in a Spurs shirt, perhaps Romero never did, even when he was wearing it – even when he was playing brilliantly in a gritty backs-to-the-wall job in a Europa League final. Is that really emblematic of what a Spurs centre-back should be? At their best Spurs centre-backs are Gary Mabbutt or Ledley King, Jan Vertonghen or Toby Alderweireld – solid, reliable, measured. At their worst – well there have been lots of them, but not many as rash as Romero.

It is perhaps a fault of mine, or a fault of how we watch and consume football, that I’ve already made my mind up. Watching Romero I was either annoyed by something he’d done, or annoyed that I was going to be annoyed about something he was going to do later. This permanent pre-annoyance rendered an objective judgment impossible.

So when people talk about his leadership and especially his ability on the ball, I was never totally convinced. But good luck Cristian, I get the feeling it will be much less stressful watching you play for a team I am less invested in. He might leave Spurs a club legend, it’s hard to say for sure; but if he does, he leaves as an incredibly infuriating one.